A Midsummer Day Wasted

Plans for the day:

1. Get up early
2. Do laundry
3. Mow the lawn
4. Throw out useless stuff in the garage
5. Meet mom for dinner
6. Relax after a long productive day
7. Maybe start some of the writing I've been talking about

What actually happened:

1. Woke up at 7:00, as planned (so far, so good)
2. Decided to sleep a little longer (so much for "so far, so good")
3. Woke up again at 11:30 (just in time for lunch)
4. Started laundry (back on track) which is still in the dryer (not back on track)
5. Watch Netflix while I eat lunch (perfectly reasonable)
6. Continue watching Netflix long after I finish eating (not exactly productive)
7. See a friend request notification on my phone and pause The Office to check it out
8. Spend more time on Facebook than I should have... it happens sometimes when you rarely sign on anymore
9. Take a break to respond to an email
10. Get back on Facebook to finish making this (which needs more traffic and likes, so click the link already, and "like" it whether you like it or not!)
11. Get tired of Facebook and remember why I switched to Google+ (ironically, assuming the automatic post to FB actually works, most people who read this probably followed a link from Facebook rather than Google+)
12. Finally get off my butt to do some work and walk down to the garage with every intention of mowing
13. Hear thunder, decide mowing isn't a good idea, and head back upstairs (storms make good excuses, right?)
14. Resume episode of The Office, which I should no longer be referring to as "episode," but "last half of season seven" instead
15. Reschedule dinner with mom and eat a frozen pizza
16. Write this instead of anything productive
17. The rest of the night? Still undecided... but it will probably include trying to find season eight online somewhere, going to the store to replenish my supply of frozen pizzas, and/or playing Skyrim until I pass out (yeah... huge geek here)

Seriously... I have got to stop being such a bum... I'll probably start tomorrow...

Words of Wisdom: Whitey vs. Sun

We'll kick off this post with some simple wisdom relating to the sun.

Here are some tips to avoid it altogether:

• If you're pale (like me), you should wear sun screen.
• If you're not pale, you should at least consider it.

If you've already ignored the precious wisdom in the previous list, here are some tips to help the healing process go along more smoothly.

• When you get into the shower, remember that different parts of your body (the burnt parts) are much more sensitive to heat than they normally would be. Lukewarm is probably a good approach. 
• When you get out of the shower and you grab the towel, remember to pat yourself dry. Dragging a course towel across burnt skin can be painful.

Things That Piss Me Off #5: Land Line Assumptions

This doesn't fit the format of my usual "Things That Piss Me Off" series, but I feel like venting a bit and I'm using this as an outlet. Here goes...

I'm usually a big fan of PayPal, but not today. Today I found my account locked for security purposes. Change your password blah make sure it has numbers and uppercase letters blah blah verify your address blah blah blah. Whatever... let's get this crap done so I can get on with my digital life. And then what happens during this last step of this verification process? Oops! Sorry... you don't have a home phone, so your account will remain limited until we send you a letter in the mail to verify your address. Yeah... that pisses me off. So here's the "question" I sent to their customer service folks. I'm sure I'll be ignored, but it felt good to get it out anyway.

This isn't a question... just a complaint. I have account limitations because I haven't confirmed my address. However, the only way to confirm my address immediately is with a land line number. I don't have one. So I have to wait for you to mail me a letter before I can do anything with my account? This is a bunch of BS. In an age when more and more people are dropping home phones in favor of cell phones, making this the only way to confirm your account without waiting for snail mail to arrive is BACKWARDS. I remember a time when eBay and PayPal were on the cutting edge... but this seems like you've regressed. I feel like I just walked into a store that won't accept a Visa! Seriously, PayPal?!?!

People, seriously... a lot of us don't have land lines anymore. Stop assuming that we will. Charter, stop trying to bundle a land line with my other services. I don't care how cheap it is... it's money I don't care to spend. My cell phone is just fine. 

Things That Piss Me Off #4: One-Uppers

Eggs... random... I know.
Don't worry.
It will make sense in the end.

Ever thought you had a great story to tell? or something to brag about? or something to complain about? Sure... we all have. Ever had the spotlight stolen by someone who tells a better story right after yours? or has more to brag about? or has experienced something worse than what you're complaining about? Chances are, it has happened. But honestly, this kind of situation doesn't usually piss me off. I'm not arrogant enough to think that every story I tell has to be the greatest ever, or that I'm the absolute best at anything, or that some situation I'm experiencing is the worst case scenario.

However, some people have a tendency to take every story they hear and exaggerate their own just enough that their story is bigger and better than yours. "Oh yeah?" they say. "It's funny you should mention finishing that four-hour test in an two hours! Last year, I took a five-hour test in an hour and a half!" The first time you hear a story like this, it's irritating but it's probably true. If you start to see this as a pattern, however, you're probably dealing with a one-upper: the kind of person who isn't satisfied unless he/she can claim to be the most extreme in any and every situation. You did something? They did it better. You like something? They like it more. You hate something? They hate it more. You couldn't do something? They couldn't do it either, but they tried harder.

You get the idea.

In any case, people like this are often compulsive liars. I'm not sure they even realize how terrible their issue is because they seem to one-up your story without even thinking about it. I almost feel sorry for them. Actually, I do feel sorry for them... until one of their bogus stories follows something I said... and I just get pissed off. Here are a few ways to cope:

• Return the favor. Yeah, I know it's petty... but I think having the biggest/best/coolest/craziest/whatever story is what really charges these peoples' self esteem. Steal a little of that esteem with some made-up stories of your own... crafted to conveniently outdo whatever it is they just said.
• Change your story midstream. In whatever way they start claiming that they've done something bigger/better/whatever, just change your story so that their story is no longer bigger than yours. This is particularly fun with numbers that sound similar, such as fifteen and fifty. You can say fifteen first, then let them one-up your story, and then change your number to fifty. The numbers sound similar enough that they'll at least consider the possibility that they misunderstood you.
• Catch them lying. Tell a story that you know they'll want to one-up you on to several different groups of people in their presence. Each time, change the magnitude of your story and see if they can remember how much greater than you they claimed to be the last time... for even more fun, after some time has passed, tell your story to the first group again... see if your one-upper can keep his story straight when he launches into his mandatory oneupmanship speech. 
• Make it obvious that you stopped paying attention. Since they're feeding on the attention, making a big fuss over not paying attention to them will be like a slap in the face. "Oh, I'm sorry... I must have zoned out. I don't remember a thing you said since I stopped talking."
• Smash an egg on his/her forehead. Okay, so this is probably the least helpful of my suggestions. I wouldn't even suggest actually doing it (unless you know somehow that you won't get in any trouble). I just had to list it, though, because it's what I was thinking about doing the last time I was confronted with one of these conversation bandits.

That'll teach 'em.

Self Publishing with CreateSpace

I've been thinking a lot about #8 and #9, so I did a little Googling last night. I happened to find CreateSpace, which on first glance might be a small-time author's dream come true.

However, after I bookmarked it, I found this article on CNN Money... which makes me wonder what company I'll be in if I join.

I'm not sure... I might give it a shot anyway... something to think about, at least...

Forgiveness

Working on my list some... focusing on #2... doing some thinking and praying... and remembered this video that was shown in Dr. Huffman's class last year. This is powerful.

10 Steps to a Better Me

I'm not the person I want to be, and I'm tired of settling for less than being the person I should. I feel like I have a unique opportunity right now to refocus my life and get things in order. I've come up with a "Top 10" list of things I need to work on, although they aren't in any particular order. In the coming months, I'm going to work on these aspects of my life. I intend for this to be an honest inspection of myself, and I intend to share my progress over time. I hope that those who are closest to me will give me feedback. I'm making this public to hold myself accountable (see #7).

1. Physical Condition
I actually started working on this several weeks ago, so it only makes sense to list it first. I am overweight... not morbidly obese or anything, but overweight enough to be self-conscious. I get tired far too easily to play a decent game of basketball, and at this point I don't even want to think about running full court. I currently weigh 231 pounds (weighed about an hour ago). When I started working on this, I weighed 239. I feel best about myself at around 200, so I'm almost a fourth of the way to my goal already. Weight is only half of the issue, though. I really want to be able to step out on a basketball court and not feel like a chump.
4/15 Edit: Oops... part of that was a lie. I actually wrote this last week and decided not to post it yet. As of this morning, I weigh 229. :-)

2. Forgiveness
There are people in my life that I have not forgiven, in some cases for things that happened decades ago. Most of the time, I'm so laid-back that I don't often feel the need to forgive because it is so rare that I feel deeply hurt. However, when I am deeply hurt, I usually pretend to be over it or pretend I'm alright so that I won't have to admit that I was weak enough to feel pain. I'm tired of having these burdens on my heart, so I'm going to start working on this. I'm not sure exactly how yet. I'm going to do some reading and praying and take it from there. I think I'll start with the people & situations that seem easiest and work my way up from there.

3. Family & Friends
I neglect people I love. I don't call. I don't visit. I don't make time. Part of me hides behind the idea that "if they want to be around me, all they have to do is call," but that isn't the whole truth. People could call, but phones work both ways. I need to do a better job of cultivating relationships rather than only maintaining the most convenient ones. Don't expect a call tomorrow, people, but if you do see me more often in the coming months, know that it is because of this turnaround.

4. Procrastination
If you know me, you know that I never do anything today that I could do tomorrow (unless it's something that I really enjoy). There have been too many times in my life that I've assumed I would be talented enough or capable enough to do things in half the time anybody else could do them and still get by. Arrogant as it might seem, it works most of the time. But I never escape one of those situations without a high level of stress, and I'm tired of having those weeks when everything is due and I haven't started on any of it.

5. Home Upkeep
There are a lot of things around the house that I need to do a better job on. I have a piece of siding that's been gone for a long time and I've never gotten it fixed. Dishes sit in the sink for ages. My lawn never gets mowed until I feel guilty about how high the grass is (which takes some time, believe me). There's a handrail in my garage that has been sitting there since 2007 because I just never bothered to put it back up after painting. I'm sure my neighbors are embarrassed. It's time to work on that.

6. Relationship with God
I've let a lot of things get in the way of this, and I'm glad He is forgiving. Despite all the faults I've been pointing out here, I've felt like the last few years have been amazing. Unfortunately, in those times of less perceived need, I find myself forgetting where my true strength lies: faith. I'm going to leave it at that for now.

7. Finish
I never finish anything. I don't know if it's life-ADD or what, but I never follow any project I start all the way to completion. Whether it's a series of blog posts or a New Year's resolution, I get excited and I start and I never actually finish. I'm hoping that by making this list public, my friends will hold me accountable for it. I'm asking you to give me a hard time if I'm not doing anything about this stuff... okay? I'm giving you permission to give me a hard time. I'm encouraging you to. Please do.

8. Reading & Writing
I was an English major in college because it was easy, but I've always enjoyed good books and I've always wanted to write my own. I've never done it. I've started dozens of times. Have I finished? Nope. See #7. There are a lot of books out there that I want to read, and there are a lot of ideas in my head that need to make it to paper. It's time to get started... and not give up this time...

9. Making My Dreams Come True
I want to move to a big city. I've said New York City and Seattle for ages, but I've never been in a position that was conducive to actually making a move. I don't know how soon it will be, but I want to start making preparations. I also want to get published. See #8. However, I've never made it far enough into a manuscript to even think about submitting it to a publisher. It's time to change that.

10. Something Else
Okay, I ran out of ideas. However, after writing #7, I really don't want to sell myself short and start with a top 10 but end with a top 9. So here's what I need... I'm leaving this open for anyone to share with me what you think I need to work on to be a better me.

Now, all that said... I'm going to post this to Google+ and Facebook. I don't know if anybody will follow the links here, but we'll see what happens. I'm going to continue writing here, but I doubt I'll post to the social networks again (definitely won't post to FB... I claimed to have given up that horrible place but I've spent far too much time on it lately). If you're interested in keeping up with this and helping me reach these goals, subscribe somehow. There are lots of options on the right sidebar.

Things That Piss Me Off #3: Body Odor

Want this shirt?
Get it here.

Let's be honest. Not one of us smells like a bed of roses all the time. We sweat. There are certain times when body odor is understandable and acceptable: when  you've just come back from the gym, for example. These situations don't upset me in the least... but people who choose not to take the basic steps necessary to make themselves bearable to my nostrils? Those people really piss me off.

As a huge nerd who has attended events such as Magic: The Gathering tournaments and Warhammer 40K tournaments, you might think that I fit the "smelly antisocial gamer" stereotype, or that I would at least be accustomed to it by now. Contrary to popular belief, most gamers don't stink. Unfortunately, the ones who do have "the funk" are often the most memorable people you ever meet simply because evidence of their presence lingers far longer than it should.

Also unfortunate is the fact that nerd-friendly events like the ones I occasionally attend are not the only place you'll encounter people with "the funk." They're everywhere... even water parks where you would think the stink would eventually wash off of them.*

Luckily, there are lots of ways to deal with smelly people. More benign methods include:

• Avoidance
• Breathing only through your mouth
• Gifts (deodorant, soap, etc.) **
• Have a compassionate conversation about the issue
• Holding your breath (not to be used for long periods of time)

Unfortunately, these don't always work and you have to resort to more drastic measures, or perhaps there's a stinker in your life who is also a jerk and these solutions just seem more fitting.

• The garden hose treatment: Imagine that stinker getting a blast of freezing cold water. If nothing else, they'll at least want to change out of that shirt they've been wearing for the last seventeen days straight.
• The gift of nose plugs: Yeah, you can keep a set for yourself as well... but I can't imagine a better social shocker than starting a conversation with something like, "I wanted you to have these because I love you... and I know that I struggle with the few hours I have to spend with you at work. I can't imagine what it must be like to live with that smell all day long."
• The ultimatum: "If you don't figure out how to smell better, I won't do X." It's quite simple, actually. Just make sure that you follow through with the threat, and make sure that whatever you threaten them with is really important to them. "Sorry, but I'm not going to discuss anything about Star Wars until you take a bath and put on clean clothes."

That'll teach 'em.

*Technically, it does... and I'm pretty sure this is why the water at such establishments is so rank. Whether it's "the funk" on the people or "the funk" in the water, it still stinks.


**Please note that perfume or cologne are not good gifts in this case. If you've ever been around someone who has terrible body odor and tries to overwhelm it with another strong smell, you know that the results of this combination can be deadly. People with asthma are at the most risk, but everyone else should watch out too. It doesn't get much more pungent than trying to cover one stink with another.

Puking on a Plane... Funny Stuff

Jeremiah showed me this video a long time ago on a night that I really needed a laugh.



Hilarious...

Things That Piss Me Off #2: Leaving a Restaurant Still Hungry

Anyone who knows me well knows that this is a big deal for me. I'm not a huge guy, but at 6'2 and 225 lbs, I can put away some food. In fact, eating is one of my favorite pastimes. I love restaurants, especially when I'm in a new area for whatever reason and I get to try something that I can't find at home. Unfortunately, trying new places can be hit or miss. You never know when you'll find yourself in a place that's either too fancy or too cheap to provide the huge portions that we all want. Yes, I know it's unhealthy. No, I don't care. If I leave a restaurant hungry, I leave pissed off.

I'm a big advocate for cheap (or free) appetizers that don't run out. I know when I go into a Chili's, for example, that those bottomless chips will still be there if my main course doesn't fill me up... and that suits me just fine. Restaurants with cheap menus (like fast food) are alright with me too. Who cares if the combo didn't fill me up if there's a dollar menu I can take advantage of? Am I right, people?

Typically, the offenders are restaurants that are too fancy for their own good. Yeah, I get it. They're selling the atmosphere and the chef's "culinary art." Frankly, I could care less. I want good food that fills me up. If you're going to charge me more than ten bucks and then bring me tiny portions, you had better at least keep refilling that bread basket.

If I ever get the courage to do it, I want to dine at a super-fancy restaurant and then refuse to pay until they give me "my money's worth" of food. Whenever it happens, I'll probably be carted off to jail... but I guess that's okay because going to jail will piss me off too, and at least I'll have something else to write about.

Group Projects

I like this...

Hair Butchery

Best thing about Sport Clips: Watching ESPN while you get a hair cut. Is it really worth the extra few dollars on the price tag? Probably not... but I don't care... it still gets cool points.

2nd best thing about Sport Clips: Your hair cut is in the computer, so stylists just have to read what you had last time and ask if you want something different. If you're like me and you've had the same hair cut for 15 years (give or take), you don't have to explain anything.

Worst thing about Sport Clips: Stylists who can't read the little print-out that details your last cut.

Three on top, two on the sides, scissor cut the bangs... and then you proceed to buzz off the front of my head first thing?! I'm not even that mad... I'm a guy; it's a haircut. It won't even take that long to grow back. I'm just astounded at what happened in a place where I'm usually 110% satisfied.

I like Sport Clips. I really do. They go out of their way to cater to guys, and I appreciate that. But seriously... I think the ball was dropped when this one was hired. Cutting hair is great, but how do people get by in life without basic reading comprehension skills?

Worst Dunk Ever...

A couple of years ago, I was sitting around waiting for Carolina to play, talking basketball with Ben and my father-in-law. The subject of bad dunks has been brought up, and this is by far one of the worst ever.



I just had to share...

Teeth Whitening Sample

So I noticed this little display in the Asheville mall the other day, and I couldn't help but wonder if I was supposed to actually try out that little sample mouth piece... Or at least, I wondered how many idiots actually put that thing in their mouths.

Things That Piss Me Off #1: Close Talkers

You know the type. You expect to have a perfectly normal social interaction, but they insist on being so "in your face" that you constantly feel like taking a step back. Here's an example from Seinfeld:

Now, this example is exaggerated a bit... I've never had anyone quite that close. But the idea is the same. Some unfortunate souls are just oblivious to that zone of personal space that we like to keep around us at all times.

As much as the situation pisses me off, though, I have a hard time getting mad at the actual person. I see these folks as terribly devoid of social graces, but pitiable. Thus, I wouldn't want to do anything too nasty. There are some amusing ways to deal with close talkers without being too big of a jerk, though. Off the top of my head, here are some useful strategies for dealing with this issue:

• The "accidental" head-butt. Obviously, you wouldn't want to use this on someone significantly bigger or tougher than you (or if you have a relatively soft head). However, leaning forward as you "trip" and smashing a little face might be a motivator to keep some distance. 
• Talk like Daffy Duck. Random? Yes... but talk like this long enough and eventually some spit is going to fly. That brief moment of wiping spit from the eyes is the perfect time to put meaningful distance between yourself and the offending close talker. 
• The intentional use of bad breath. You might have to set this one up, but if your close talker is a repeat offender, this can work wonders. Eat something notoriously pungent (such as garlic), or give it a personal touch and eat whatever food they absolutely hate. Then, when they zero in on you, accentuate all of your "H" sounds so that you're blowing that horrendous aroma right into their nostrils.

That'll teach 'em.

Trying to Look Gangsta? Try Again...

There's nothing like a scrawny white kid trying to act gangsta. It has worked for some... just look at Eminem. But for most, the attempt blurs the line between embarrassing and amusing. For this kid, we'll call it embarrassing for him and amusing to everyone else.


see more Epic Fails

Where all my Twilight thugs at?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Rubistar: Rubrics Made Easy

I loved using rubrics when I was a teacher. They front-load quite a bit of the decision-making and work of grading, which makes it extremely simple and much less subjective. They also allow for very open ended instructions while maintaining a very structured grading system. The problem with rubrics is that they are really easy to do, but can be difficult to do well. In fact, I have to admit that I have often found myself getting bogged down in the initial phases of creating a rubric only to find out later that I should have spent more time in the fine tuning stages.

Rubistar does almost all of the initial phases of rubric creation for you so that you can spend almost all of your time fine tuning. And best of all? It is free. I'm sold. Or rather, not sold because I didn't pay anything. But still, this site is awesome. Check it out by clicking here.

I haven't taught anything since the fall semester of 2009, but this is still a quality resource for my teaching buddies.

Awesome Site for Background Images

In my constant search for awesome background images (both for desktop backgrounds and for websites), I found tons of high quality images over at http://www.randomwalls.com.  I immediately subscribed to the RSS feed and downloaded a few of my favorites.  I'm looking forward to their future updates.

New Beginnings in the Blogosphere

Alright, so this blog has existed for quite some time, but it has been relatively untouched since its creation. Originally, this text was on the front of the page:

Stalk Josh?!?! Okay, so the title of this blog sounds crazy. This is just a little experiment I'm trying out to see if I can make a blog work with as little effort as possible from me... 

Yes, I know there are products out there that will do the same thing... but I want to do it FREE, and I don't want to reuse (aka STEAL) anybody else's content. 

You'll see RSS feeds, automatic posts from Facebook, and anything else I do online that I can rig to automatically post here. Feel free to become a "stalker" by adding yourself in the top right sidebar. The more stalkers, the better! 

If this works out the way I want it, I'll have an extra buttload of links to my other websites without having to do a whole lot of work... and in theory, that should help beef up my more important blogs in the search engine rankings.

So that was the original intent of this blog. Things have changed a bit since then...

I've been blogging for quite some time now, beginning all the way back in 2008, and I've had varying levels of success. I've done everything from a blog for my classroom to a personal blog to a gaming blog. The gaming blog has been the most successful by far, with over 162,000 page views. Aside from that gaming blog, I've either lost interest in or lost the need for all of the others. As my life has changed, I have dipped in and out of several special interest blog projects. In each case, I was really excited at first and then they just fell by the wayside.

What I've finally decided is that I need one that is generic enough for me to use for the rest of my blogging career. At one point, I used Crazy Teacher Musings for that... but even that blog was connected in too many ways to my profession. When I stopped teaching, it felt a little awkward posting there, so eventually I stopped.

This blog, as creepy as the title may seem, will only be structurally tied to me as a person, rather than my profession or my hobbies. I hope you enjoy the randomness that shows up here! I'm going to be re-posting some of my better content from my scattered blogs here at some point, so that will be an interesting peek back in time.

So welcome, everyone... this is bound to be an interesting venture.